Well-- I figured out what I want to do with my life.
Not in the traditional career-type way that your parents constantly ask you about, More in the "how do I want to live my life" way.
A few months ago, my mom and sister went to lunch at a cute cafe that offers deep-talk table topics when they bring out your food. Theirs was: how do you want to be remembered at your funeral. Heavy, I know. They brought this question back to me and I shrugged it off, too caught up in the now to care about something so far away.
Flash forward a few months and I'm crying out in the rain at my childhood home wondering what I'm supposed to do with my life-- the most stereotypical dramatic movie moment. So I took out my Bible and started to pray.
I was skimming through some of my favorite verses when I came across a dog-eared page. I hadn't underlined anything on it and I didn't particularly remember marking it but I read on and found this:
James 4:13-17: Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.
Then it hit me: how do I want to be remembered at my funeral? I thought I was caught up in the now but I wasn't even in it. I wasn't seeing the suffering right in front of my eyes. I didn't see all of the opportunity I've been given. I needed to start living NOW. For God, for my family, for my friends, for people I don't even know. I want to make the most of every single second in my life. I want to be remembered for not squandering the time I have here.
I'm not saying I want to be impulsive-- I just want to live life to the fullest. I want to touch as many lives as I can. I want to spread the word of God. I want to travel the world. I want to do occasionally stupid things. I want to do it all with love & grace.
So this is my story and this is my life.